Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
