Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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