yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We need to get me chipped asap
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
