My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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