I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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