Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
