I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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