Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
