I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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