I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
