All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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