just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize