I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
