He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
