totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I party with great urgency now.
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