Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
