but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
two words: eviction party
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
