I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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