I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
