Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
