I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
