i just wanna soil my oats bro
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Still dying that you shit outside
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
