So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
