I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
