Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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