...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize