You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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