I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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