And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
