I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
