He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
