The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
