I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
