i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
