my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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