So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
