The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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