that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
