I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
