so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
