Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
