in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
