I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
