the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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