i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
