Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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