Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
