life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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