i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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