Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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