Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
