Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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