Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
