What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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