saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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