seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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