So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
