i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
