I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
