Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Welp...herpes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
