physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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